The Inner Conversation

"I Should Want What I'm Supposed to Want"

I remember the exact moment I realized I didn't want what I was supposed to want. 

I was sitting in my corner office, looking out at a view that cost the company thousands in extra rent, holding an offer for a promotion that would double my salary. And all I could think was: "This feels like someone else's dream."

The promotion meant more money, more status, more of what everyone told me I should want. 

But it also meant longer hours, more stress, and less time for the things that actually made me feel alive. I sat there wondering when I'd stopped asking myself what I wanted and started asking what I should want instead.

We inherit so many "shoulds" without questioning them. 

• You should want to climb the ladder. 

• You should want to get married and have kids. 

• You should want a big house, a nice car, recognition from your peers. 

• You should want to be busy, important, constantly growing and achieving.

 The script is written before we're old enough to read it.

• But what if the life you're supposed to want isn't the life you actually want? 

• What if success, as defined by others, feels like failure to your soul?

• What if the dreams you're chasing aren't even yours?

I think about my friend who left law school to become a park ranger, disappointing everyone except himself. I think about my cousin who turned down a corporate job to teach kindergarten and has never been happier. I think about everyone who has ever chosen less money for more meaning, less prestige for more peace, less of what looks good for more of what feels right.

The hardest part isn't figuring out what you want - it's giving yourself permission to want it. 

• To want simplicity in a culture that celebrates complexity. 

• To want solitude in a world that rewards networking. 

• To want to create instead of consume, to rest instead of achieve, to be present instead of productive.

Your wants don't need to make sense to anyone else. They don't need to be ambitious or impressive or Instagram-worthy. They just need to be yours. Maybe you want to live in a small town instead of a big city. Maybe you want to work with your hands instead of a computer. Maybe you want less responsibility, not more. Maybe you want to be unknown rather than famous.

These aren't character flaws or signs of limited ambition. They're preferences, and your preferences matter as much as anyone else's.

The life you're "supposed" to want was designed by someone else, probably someone who lived in a different time with different challenges and different definitions of success. You don't owe it to anyone to want what they wanted or what they think you should want.

Start with this question: 

• If no one would judge your choice, what would you choose?

• If money weren't a factor, what would matter?

• If you could disappoint everyone just once, what would you do?

Your real wants are waiting underneath all those shoulds. They might be quiet, but they're there.

We recommend checking this book out:

Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, we earn a commission when you click the link and finalize a purchase (At zero cost to you.). We participate in programs like these to help keep DailyMotivation free!