The Boundary I’m Building

"The Hours I Keep Giving Away"

Last week, someone asked me to help with a project, and I said no. That was it. I just replied, “I’m not available for that.” I didn’t explain my workload, break down my schedule, apologize, or offer to find someone else. I simply said no.

The silence that followed felt endless. In that moment, I battled guilt, anxiety, and the urge to explain myself. But I resisted and sat with the discomfort.

I’ve realized that I’ve been treating my time like it belongs to everyone. If someone asks, I feel like I have to let them in, as if I need a really good reason to say no.

For years, I agreed to things I didn’t want to do because reasons like “I’m tired” or “I need that time for myself” didn’t seem acceptable. Only illness, prior plans, or emergencies felt valid; anything else felt selfish.

And because of that I kept saying yes. I helped with projects I didn’t care about, went to events I dreaded, and did favors that left me drained. I bagan to resent everyone for asking, even though I was the one who kept agreeing. I kept telling myself I was being kind, but really, I just didn’t want to let people down.

It all came to a head when I realized I was triple-booked on a Saturday. I had three commitments, and yet none of them for me. I spent the day rushing around, exhausted and angry, but mostly at myself. That night, I looked at my calendar and saw that I didn’t have any time that was truly mine.

Learning to say “I’m not available,” without explaining why has been one of the hardest things I’ve done. Every part of me wants to give a reason, to prove I’m not being rude or unkind. But when I explain, I’m really asking for permission to protect my time, and if my reason doesn’t seem good enough, I feel pressured to say yes anyway.

Saying “I’m not available” isn’t rude though. In fact, it’s just honest. It doesn’t need anyone’s approval, it just states the truth.

Some people respect that, some don’t, but I’m starting to see the difference.

It’s still uncomfortable sometimes, but that discomfort is easier to carry than resentment. Now, I have Saturdays that are just for me.

Your time isn’t something you have to give away. You don’t need to earn the right to keep it. “I’m not available,” is a complete sentence.

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